Heal My Heart

I’m not the type of person who holds on to hurts. People hurt us. That’s the nature of life. We hurt others, too. Some hurts go so deep, though, that letting them go and moving forward is really hard. It takes work. Even then, sometimes those hurts rise unbidden in our minds.

I have to choose to let hurts go. I have to decide that I am not that person who broods and mulls over old stuff. I have to acknowledge that I was hurt, work through all those feelings and then set them aside. When they arise from out of nowhere, I have to once again look them over and then give them to God. I pray over each angry thought and ask God to remove it, and replace it love. We’re still working on that last part.

Lord, all my desire is before Thee; and all my sighing is not hidden from Thee. My heart throbs, my strength fails me; and the light of my eyes, even that has gone from me. Psalm 38:9-10

God understands hurt. David expressed it well in the Psalms in many places. Joseph bore the hatred of his brothers, being sold into slavery by them. Dinah bore the shame and hurt of rape. Paul was stoned by the people he was trying to share salvation with, more than once. Jesus bore the hurt of the betrayal of one of his own, his closest. He felt the whole world turn against him. God gets it.

When my kids were growing up, we went camping with our church family every Labor Day weekend. I will confess that I hate camping but it was a good time of fellowship with our best friends. (We went one Memorial Day, but it rained so hard we couldn’t get a fire started, and had to go back to town and buy pizza for dinner!) A while ago I found myself watching the news and seeing the weather report for Labor Day weekend – RAIN! All weekend long. The thought sprang to my mind, “I hope my ex-husband is going camping this weekend!” I wasn’t sitting around cooking up evil things to do to my ex. I wasn’t consciously thinking about him at all, and yet here was this ugly, hateful thought.

First, I laughed at myself. I am human. I don’t think I am angry and hateful, and yet here was a thought that revealed my heart. I had to ask God to forgive me, to take that thought and to banish it. Once again, I had to give God my heart and ask him to transform it. I certainly can’t do it on my own.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

Next I choose to dwell on other things. I fill my mind with things of beauty and joy. Getting rid of the bad and dark thoughts isn’t enough; I need to replace them with something positive or the vacuum sucks in the first thought that comes along. I want to fill my mind with better choices. It’s going to wander (someone said my mind is too little to be allowed to wander on it’s own!) so I want to shape ahead of time where it goes.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things. Philippians 4:8

I want to be a joyous, positive person, one who laughs and loves freely. I can’t do that if I’m weighed down with hurt and anger and hatred. I choose to let those go to live lightly. God can heal me, if I let him. He can heal you, too. Whatever hurt you are hanging on to, give it to him. He is trustworthy. He wants better for you.

A joyful heart is good medicine! Proverbs 17:22a

A Mother Deserving of Praise

Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and I have been very blessed from both directions in this department. Not only do I have the worlds best, smartest, and most beautiful children that ever lived, and I’m going to be a Grandma soon, but I come from a long line of strong, Godly women. Grandmothers, aunts, cousins, and my sister are all women who have faced life with strength and laughter and have overcome polio, military husbands who moved them around a lot, loss of children, and heartbreak beyond what I can imagine. My mother is a prime example of strength and grace, and I am blessed to have her in my life. I’ve used the word blessed a lot in this paragraph, but I can’t come up with any word that is more fitting.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
 but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

Not all of you have been so fortunate, and in truth, none of the women in my life have been perfect. With strength comes a bit of stubbornness, and we’ve had our struggles. Some of you have done more than struggle. Some of you were abandoned, or were harmed in unspeakable ways by the women who should have protected and nurtured you. Some of you have lost children, and your arms feel very empty. Mother’s Day is a painful reminder of what others have that you don’t. It feels very unfair. To make things worse, maybe you don’t feel like you know how to be a good mother yourself. Perhaps you aborted or abandoned your baby, and you suffer from the pain and guilt that accompanies that.

We know that God is our perfect father. Jesus called him Daddy, Abba, and his paternal love is well documented throughout scripture. Sometimes we forget that God is also our perfect mother. God is spirit, and gender is a physical attribute. As humans, we were created in the image of God, male and female, and so it follows that God is both father and mother.

For this is what the Lord says:  “I will extend peace to her like a river, and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream;
you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees. As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.” When you see this, your heart will rejoice and you will flourish like grass… Isaiah 66:12-14

God is the mother you should have had. God is the only perfect mother. He is there, waiting to lift you onto his lap, to snuggle you, to comfort you, to love you as only he can do. He is your perfect mother, and is the perfect example of the mother I want to be. He loves us perfectly, and expresses that love in ways that are good for us, that encourage our growth and that help us be all that he wants us to be. He helps us flourish like healthy grass.

Bring your hurts, your disappointments and your fears to God. Let him kiss your pain and make it better. Let him mother you, as only he can. Rest in his forgiveness, and accept his peace and comfort. Rejoice in him today.