Heal My Heart

I’m not the type of person who holds on to hurts. People hurt us. That’s the nature of life. We hurt others, too. Some hurts go so deep, though, that letting them go and moving forward is really hard. It takes work. Even then, sometimes those hurts rise unbidden in our minds.

I have to choose to let hurts go. I have to decide that I am not that person who broods and mulls over old stuff. I have to acknowledge that I was hurt, work through all those feelings and then set them aside. When they arise from out of nowhere, I have to once again look them over and then give them to God. I pray over each angry thought and ask God to remove it, and replace it love. We’re still working on that last part.

Lord, all my desire is before Thee; and all my sighing is not hidden from Thee. My heart throbs, my strength fails me; and the light of my eyes, even that has gone from me. Psalm 38:9-10

God understands hurt. David expressed it well in the Psalms in many places. Joseph bore the hatred of his brothers, being sold into slavery by them. Dinah bore the shame and hurt of rape. Paul was stoned by the people he was trying to share salvation with, more than once. Jesus bore the hurt of the betrayal of one of his own, his closest. He felt the whole world turn against him. God gets it.

When my kids were growing up, we went camping with our church family every Labor Day weekend. I will confess that I hate camping but it was a good time of fellowship with our best friends. (We went one Memorial Day, but it rained so hard we couldn’t get a fire started, and had to go back to town and buy pizza for dinner!) A while ago I found myself watching the news and seeing the weather report for Labor Day weekend – RAIN! All weekend long. The thought sprang to my mind, “I hope my ex-husband is going camping this weekend!” I wasn’t sitting around cooking up evil things to do to my ex. I wasn’t consciously thinking about him at all, and yet here was this ugly, hateful thought.

First, I laughed at myself. I am human. I don’t think I am angry and hateful, and yet here was a thought that revealed my heart. I had to ask God to forgive me, to take that thought and to banish it. Once again, I had to give God my heart and ask him to transform it. I certainly can’t do it on my own.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

Next I choose to dwell on other things. I fill my mind with things of beauty and joy. Getting rid of the bad and dark thoughts isn’t enough; I need to replace them with something positive or the vacuum sucks in the first thought that comes along. I want to fill my mind with better choices. It’s going to wander (someone said my mind is too little to be allowed to wander on it’s own!) so I want to shape ahead of time where it goes.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things. Philippians 4:8

I want to be a joyous, positive person, one who laughs and loves freely. I can’t do that if I’m weighed down with hurt and anger and hatred. I choose to let those go to live lightly. God can heal me, if I let him. He can heal you, too. Whatever hurt you are hanging on to, give it to him. He is trustworthy. He wants better for you.

A joyful heart is good medicine! Proverbs 17:22a